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朱秀芝:走出迷途 规正人生路(中英对照)

发布日期:2007年11月23日   文章来源:SRC-7   作者:
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  我叫朱秀芝,是吉林省九台市一所小学的副校长,曾是一名“法轮功”痴迷者,在社会各界及劳教所干警的帮教下,现在我已与邪教“法轮功”彻底决裂了。

 

  我于1997年初接触“法轮功”,被李洪志宣扬的“真、善、忍”所迷惑,自认为找到了一块人间净土。


  “法轮功”被依法取缔,我根本想不通,不相信新闻媒体播报的真实,认为有人在弄虚作假、歪曲事实。李洪志曾诱骗我们说“善意反映问题不能说是错”,在他的蛊惑下我曾两次进京滋事。这期间,我的领导、同志多次做我的思想工作,可我却执迷不悟,不思悔改,直至走进吉林省女子劳教所。   


  说句心里话,有谁愿意成为一名劳教人员呢?然而,就是这个我不愿走进的地方,让我难以忘怀的却是那一场场严如师长的教诲,一股股体贴入微的暖流,一遍遍人生哲理的启悟,一次次凝目屏吸的期盼……也正是这些,唤醒了一个又一个良知,使坚冰消融、顽石风化、一扇扇紧闭的心扉敝开……我就是在这里告别了昨日的恶梦,翻开了人生崭新的一页!


  入所当天,管教员让我读《劳动教养决定书》。读后,她问我:“你是因为什么罪错被劳教的?”我回答:“练‘法轮功’”。她说:“你再好好看看:究竟是因为什么?”我仔细一看,上面明明白白写着:因扰乱社会秩序劳动教养一年。我的心为之一震,猛然间有所领悟,这时我的思维才从一心要向国家说明情况这个“牛角尖”转移到对现实的默认:我违法了。


  一次我发高烧,被送往卫生所,我们小队的管教知道后立即赶去。见到我,她说:“我听说了就赶紧往这跑啊……”打点滴时,她陪伴在床前,连续几天为我送鸡蛋、西红柿,每一次都令我既感动又惭愧,心里有说不出的滋味。这样可亲可敬的人是“道德下滑”的“宇宙垃圾”吗?这样体贴入微不是亲人胜似亲人是自私吗?为了挽救我们而有家不能回,熬红了双眼,面憔悴……望着那真诚的眼睛,我实在忍不住了,含着泪水求她:“管教,别再给我送东西了,我真的受不了。”记得父亲第一次来所看我,见到心爱的女儿,他老泪纵横。我努力克制住自己,不敢让泪水流出来,一再安慰爸爸,告诉他我在所里的生活起居情况。接见结束了,老父亲一步三回头,总想多看我几眼。望着他那痛苦的表情,我再也无法抑制自己的感情,快步走出接见室,失声痛哭。一旁的张管教一边不停地为我捶后背,一边连哄带劝“不哭啊不哭,哭大劲儿了心脏受不了的……”她陪着我在院了里一圈圈地走,直到我的情绪稳定下来才把我送回队里。


  我们大队的大队长也是一个可亲可敬的人。她经常找我谈心,博古论今,畅谈人生。我被她的学识、人品所折服,从她身上我学到许多。一次她带我去接见,回来时已过了午饭时间,而她还没有吃饭。我诚心诚意地把家里送来的食品送给她,她拒绝了,而且拒绝的理由是那样充分,她说:“我们的东西可以送给你们,接受你们的东西不可以,这是纪律。”


  这不胜枚举的一桩桩、一件件,无一不撞击、震撼着我的心灵,以胜于雄辩的事实向我展示:这才是善良,这才是正气!我在所里所见、所闻、所感,根本就不是李洪志所说的“人类的道德在一日千里地往下滑着”……。


  观看了《李洪志其人其事》、《李昌、姚洁访谈录》,当看到姚洁说她认识李洪志豪宅里的东西,确认这就是李洪志的豪宅时,我如梦方醒,欺骗世人的不是别人,就是李洪志。“法轮功”确实是地地道道的邪教。终于明白了自己为什么会报着善念走上邪路。识破了骗局,我痛悔万分。自认为是在崇尚真善忍,却被李洪志骗上了一条不真、不善、不忍的邪路,给家庭、给社会,也给自己造成了深深的伤害。


  2000年1月初,我第一次去北京进行所谓的“护法”,儿子只有十四个月,扔给了年已六旬的婆婆。别人说我没人性,我不以为然,认为这样做才符合李洪志的要求断亲情。在此之后,我一次次抛下幼小的孩子,参加非法集会,无情地割舍了这人间第一情。一次,婆婆带着孩子到拘留所去看我,当孩子隔着窗户看见了我,竟笑了,高兴地摆着小手喊妈妈;接见时,他搂着我的脖子不撒手;分别时,伸着小手够我,哭着、喊着找妈妈。我的内心也痛苦,但是,为了那所谓的“护法”,为了那虚幻的“圆满”,我一咬牙,转身离去了,就在我转身的那一刻,一位管教说:“太揪心了,‘法轮功’真坑人啊!”


  我爱人也是做领导工作的,是一个事业心很强的人。我一次次的折腾简直令他失望了,终日泡在酒中,借酒消愁。单位领导到拘留所几乎用哀求的语气劝我“就算你不为孩子想,也该为老人想想,你爸天天哭,‘法轮功’把你害成了什么样,你都不知道……”然而,这并没有打动我那冷酷的心。现在想想,自己做得多残忍,简直惨无人道。


  原来的我,是个上进心很强的人。曾先后三次获省优秀课奖励,被评为吉林省优秀教师,省部分学科带头人。练“法轮功”以后,我的事业心淡了,尤其第一次进京“护法”回来,根本不能安心工作,头脑中都是所谓“正法”、“护法”、“修炼”之类的事。一位老师曾说:“练功怎么把人练得这样,原来把教材研究得那个透哇,现在开口闭口法轮功”,她还曾苦求我“朱校长啊,别练了,我真怕失去你这个领导。”然而,这些真情对我那魔变的心丝毫不起作用,仍一意孤行,致使学校教学工作无人去抓,给工作造成损失。


   过去,我并不承认自己的行为扰乱社会秩序。现在我明白了:国家明令禁止的事情,你非得去做,那就是违法。遵纪守法,这是对公民最基本的要求,每个人都应该为维护社会的稳定尽义务。魔迷心智的我,曾经为了李洪志,“法轮功”,舍弃了一切。最可悲的是,自己当时对错误行为竟全无察觉。醒后的我才真正知道自己都干了些什么。这已经不是原来的我了。记得在我破格晋升中级职称答辩中,我抽到的题签是“针对现代小学生崇洋媚外的思想,如何对他们进行教育?”我不加思索,脱口而出:“我们把祖国比做母亲,中国有句古训,‘子不嫌母丑,狗不嫌家贫’,既然你是个中国人,就应该热爱自己的祖国。作为中华民族的一分子,应该尽自己所能,使我们的祖国早日屹立于世界民族强国之林。”这才是我真正的心声啊!可是,在邪魔的诱导下,我的心灵扭曲了。而党和政府又是怎样对待我们的呢?教育、感化、挽救,以她博大的胸怀包容我们这些迷途之子。进所第三天,当我吃着炖牛肉的时候,我的心在流血;端午节,我们吃着鸡蛋、粽子,一名学员问:“大家心里酸不?”国家培养了我这么多年,我应该为她多做贡献才对,而我却重重地伤害着母亲的心。我不禁扪心自问:你还配做一个中国人吗?一次,我们唱《五星红旗迎风飘扬》,当唱到“独立自由是我们的理想,我们经过了多少苦难,才得到今天的解放,我们爱和平,我们爱家乡……”我泪如泉涌,那种痛悔无法言表。


  我曾是一名中共党员,却在大是大非面前背离了党性原则。因顽固坚持错误立场,被开除党籍。起初,我心里还有些不平,醒悟后,我才深切地感到我的确不够党员的标准。我于1995年入党,已有5年多的党龄,但只是组织上入了党,思想上离党的要求差距很大,甚至是背道而驰。在痴迷阶段,我从党章中断章取义地摘取了“对党忠诚老实,实事求是,不搞阳奉阴违的两面派行为,向党反映人民群众的意见。”错误地认为进京“上访”是对党负责、敢讲真话,声称这并不违反党性原则。纪检委向我宣布开除党籍决定时,那位纪检干部曾问过我这样的问题:“党的组织原则是什么?”我没答上来。他严肃地告诉我:“个人服从组织,少数服从多数,下级服从上级,全党服从中央。”按照组织原则衡量,我确实错了。党中央已经做了明确规定:党员不准练习“法轮功”,而我却没有遵守。最后,那位纪检干部说了一句极有份量的话“不是党不要你了,是你背离了党”每每想起这句话,都令我痛心。身为一名党员干部,竟然在一个骗子的迷惑下,和自己的组织唱起了对台戏。扪心自问,羞愧不已。过去,我认为李洪志宣扬的所谓“人心向善”、“做好人”与党的要求并不矛盾,怎知这看似相同的表面却存在着本质的区别:共产党员是唯物论、无神论者,而李洪志却用鬼神论来迷惑人;党的宗旨是全心全意为人民服务,是无私奉献的崇高思想,李洪志却把人引向追求“自我超脱”的个人主义泥潭;党的最终目标是实现共产主义,而李洪志却让人为了追求个人的所谓“圆满”,置党纪国法于不顾。这惨痛的教训告诉我:听党的话,才会不迷失方向;跟党走,才是光明大道!


  昔日,身在党组织其中时,我并没有珍惜;今朝,离开这支先进队伍,我才感到了“共产党员”这个称号的份量。这才是我真正应该崇尚的境界啊!我要重新向党递交入党申请书,不论组织能否将我再次接纳,我都会用行动向她交上一份合格的答卷!


  我能有今天的转变,这要感谢党、感谢政府、感谢所有关心帮助我的人。是严与爱的交融,正义与真情的呼唤,使我重返人间正道。经过这善与恶,正与邪的鲜明对比,即使我认清了李洪志、“法轮功”的本来面目,也使我对党和政府有了全面、深刻的认识。党的英明政策在我身上得以具体体现。原已被开除公职的我,在省委领导的亲切关怀下,已经恢复了公职,而且也恢复了原职务。各级领导还给我以热情的鼓励,寄予殷切的希望……面对这一切,使我倍加愧疚和感激,让我深切地体会到:党原谅了她犯了错的女儿,我如同一个孩子重新扑向母亲那温暖的怀抱。这活生生的现实,怎能不焕发出我对党和国家真挚的爱!


  走过曲折,我了悟了人生的真谛:对社会有用,才是生命存在的意义!回报社会是我迫切的愿望,看着那些仍旧痴迷的兄弟姐妹我心急如焚。为此,我参加了吉林省教育转化工作志愿者帮教团,到过24个县、市、区,还到安徽、山东现身说法,累计报告三十余场,数不清与多少人促膝长谈。嫌弃艰辛的劳动换来了莫大的安慰,一个曾视我为“魔”的痴迷者,当她醒悟时,伏在我肩头痛哭,过后,她开玩笑说:“怎么也没想到我会扒在魔鬼的肩头上哭。”


  李洪志把人害苦了,他太可恨了,他不仅骗取了钱财,更可恨的是骗取了别人的精神。现在我已充分认识到法轮功非法组织的现实危害性,如不及时取缔,任其发展蔓延。那么后果将不堪设想。现在我已与“法轮功”邪教组织彻底决裂,我以自己亲身经历的沉痛教训再次告诫善良的人们,别被打着行善幌子的骗子所蒙蔽。


  我希望那些仍然痴迷于“法轮功”的练习者,能从我的经历中引起反思。只要能够面对现实,敢于承认现实,就一定能明善恶、识正邪、辨美丑。我坚信觉醒的人会越来越多,我们的社会会越来越好,一切都会更加美好,愿所有的人都能为这美好的一切贡献自己的一份力量!

 

中央电视台 2001年2月27日

 

Zhu Xiuzhi: Walking out of wrong path and returning to normal life

My name is Zhu Xiuzhi. I'm the deputy headmaster of a primary school in Jiutai City, Jilin Province. As a former Falun Gong obsessed practitioner, I have now broken away from the cult Falun Gong completely with the help and education of the police at the Labor Camp and people from all walks of life.

I first learned of Falun Gong in early 1997 and considered that I'd found a pure land on Earth, but actually deceived by the so-called "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance" preached by Li Hongzhi.

At first I couldn't understand the ban on Falun Gong at all. I just didn't believe those reports in the press, thinking that some people were employing trickery and distorting the facts. Li Hongzhi once enticed us as saying, "It can't be wrong to present problems with good will." I went to Beijing twice to make troubles following his demagogic words. During this period of time, my leaders and other comrades persuaded me repeatedly, however, I obstinately stuck to the wrong path without any intention of mending and eventually walked into the Jilin Female Labor Camp.

To tell the truth, who would like to go to the labor reeducation camp? However, it is in such a place that I have received a great deal of education and advice that are like those of teachers'. The people there looked after me so carefully and warmly, edified me to understand the philosophy for life time after time and kept expecting me eagerly to transform … It is all because of those that have woken up many people's consciences and made them open their mind like ice beginning to melt…I came out of the past nightmare and turned to a new chapter of life from there.

On the day I entered the Camp, the policewoman in charge told me to read "Decision Paper for Reeducation through Labor". She asked me after my reading, "Why did you come here to receive reeducation?" I answered, "Because of practicing Falun Gong." Then she said, "Read it again to find out the real reason." I read it carefully and found these words, "Reeducation through labor for one year because of disturbing social order." I was shocked a little and realized something all of a sudden. Just at that time that I began to transform from insisting on explaining to our country to the acceptance of the reality: I have broken the law.

The other day I had a high fever and was sent to the clinic. Knowing this news, the  policewoman of my squad went there immediately. She said when seeing me, "I ran all the way here as soon as I knew…" When I was having transfusion, she accompanied me by my bed and continued to send eggs and tomatoes to the hospital for several days. I was moved and felt ashamed of that, with something emerging more than I could say. Could this kind and worthy woman be "demoralized" "rubbish of the universe"? Could this woman be selfish who looked after me as carefully as a kin? In order to realize our transformation, she stayed in the Camp instead of going back home. Her eyes were red and her face was pale… Looking at her sincere eyes, I couldn't bear it any more and said with tears, "Madam, please don't give me such things any more. I just cannot bear it." I remember my father burst into tears when he came to see me, her beloved daughter, for the first time. I tried to keep my tears back and comforted him continuously while telling him about my daily life there. When he left after the visit, my father looked back again and again so that he could see me for a longer time . Seeing his painful face, I couldn't control myself and strode out of the interview room, crying out sadly. Ms. Zhang, the policewoman beside me, persuaded me while patting my back, "Don't cry. Don't cry, otherwise your heart can't stand." She walked with me around the yard and didn't accompany me to my room until I calmed down.

The commander in charge is also a kind and worthy woman. She often talks with me about the history and life. I admire her knowledge and personality so much and I have learnt a lot from her. Once she accompanied me to an interview and came back after lunchtime, resulting in missing the lunch. I offered her some food my family had brought to me, however, she simply refused with such a just reason, "We are not allowed to accept your presents, although we can give you presents. It's a rule."

Such examples are too numerous to mention one by one, all of which are moving my heart with facts rather than words and telling me that this is kindness and righteousness. What I have seen, heard and felt in the Camp is entirely different from what Li Hongzhi has said, "The human race is declining in morals with a thousand li a day."

I watched programs titled "Li Hongzhi: The man, his deeds and fabrications" and "Interview with Li Chang and Yao Jie". When Yao Jie said she could recognize things in Li Hongzhi's luxury house and identified that house, I began to awaken from a dream, understanding that it was Li Hongzhi rather than anyone else who had cheated the whole world. Falun Gong is definitely a cult. I eventually understand why I have walked on a wrong way with kind intentions. I feel so contrite after seeing through the fraud. As a woman seeking truth, kindness and tolerance, I had walked on a road of untruth, unkindness and intolerance, causing great harm to my family and the society as well as myself.

When I went to Beijing to "protect the Fa" for the first time in January 2000, I left my 14 month-old son to my mother-in-law who was in her 60s. When somebody blamed me as inhumane, I didn't care and thought that behavior met the standard of abandoning affections requested by Li Hongzhi. Later, I left my little child again and again to participate in illegal assemblies, thus giving up this most important affection on earth. One day my mother-in-law went to the house of detention to see me with my child. He smiled when he saw me through the window and called me Mum while waving his little hands to me; during the interview, he held up my neck tightly all the time; and when the departure time came, he stretched out his little hands to reach me, crying for mum. Though feeling sad, I made up my mind, turned around and left for the sake of so-called "protection of Fa" and the illusory "consummation". At the time when I turned around, a policewoman said, "It's so heartbreaking. Falun Gong really does great harm."

My husband used to devote himself to his work as a leader. He got disappointed by my repeated wrongdoings and began to drown his worries in drink. The head of my school went to the house of detention and persuaded me in an imploring voice, "You should think about the elders even if you don't care about your child. Your father is weeping every day. Falun Gong has done you so great harm, yet you know nothing about that…" However, these words didn't touch my cold-blooded heart. Now I know how cruel and inhumane I was!

I used to be an aspirant woman. I have gained Outstanding Teaching Award in Jinlin for three times and have been chosen as Merit Teacher and disciplinary leader in the province. However I gradually ceased to pursue my career and couldn't devote myself into work at all, with my head full of "Rectification of Fa", "protection of Fa", "consummation" and so on. A teacher once said, "Falun Gong has changed people so much. Those who used to study text books so thoroughly now talk merely about Falun Gong." She tried to persuade me, "Headmaster, please don't practice any more. I'm afraid I would lose you as my leader." However, these sincere words did not work on me. I clung obstinately to my errors and paid no attention to teaching, resulting in some damage to the school's work.

In the past I didn't acknowledge that my actions had disturbed social orders. Now I understand that it's illegal to do things prohibited by the state. It's fundamental for every citizen to obey the laws and regulations and all of us should do our duty to help maintain a stable society. I was once so obsessed that I gave up everything for the sake of Li Hongzhi and his Falun Gong. Most woefully, I knew nothing at all about my errors during that period of time. I got to know what I had done when I awoken from that nightmare. That woman wasn't true Zhu Xiuzhi. I remember at the  meeting for my exceptional promotion to middle title I chose the following question, "How to educate modern primary and middle school students to address their worship and blind faith in things foreign?" I blurted out without hesitation, "We regard the country as our mother. As the Chinese saying puts it, "A son never thinks his mother ugly, and a dog never shuns its owner's home however shabby it is". As a Chinese, we ought to love our country. We should try our best to make our country one of the strongest in the world earlier." That was what I really thought then. However, induced by devils, my heart was bowed. Nevertheless, how do the Party and the Government treat me? They accept us lost on the way with their tolerance through education, influence and salvation. On the third day in the Camp, I was moved to tears when I was eating stewed beef; on Dragon Boat Festival, when we were eating eggs and "zongzi", one of us asked, "Do you feel sad?" Our country has educated me for so many years, so I should have made more contributions to it. Nevertheless, I hurt my motherland's feeling deeply. I examine my conscience and ask myself, "Are you qualified to be a Chinese?" One day, we sang the song "Ode to Our Motherland", I was shedding a flood of tears full of pain and regret beyond expression when I sang the following, "Independence and freedom are our ideals. We had defeated so many obstacles, to achieve today's liberation! We love peace, we love home…"

As a previous member of the Communist Party, I violated the principles of the Party in front of major issues and have been removed from the Party because of stiffly insisting on the wrong positions. At first, I was discontent with it. But I understood deeply that I hadn't met the standards of a CPC member after I realized my faults. It has been five years since I joined the Party in 1995, but I have only joined the Party in procedure and it will be a long way for me to go to meet the standards of the Party from thought, yet I even ran in the opposite direction. During the period of my obsession in Falun Gong, I garbled the following words from the Party Constitution, "be loyal to and honest with the Party … oppose double-dealing and scheming of any kind … keep the Party informed of their (the mass) views." So I falsely regarded "appealing to Beijing" meant being responsible to the Party and bold to tell the truth so that I claimed my behavior as not violating the principles of the Party. When the Discipline Inspecting Committee declared the decision to remove my Party membership, the Discipline Inspecting official asked me, "What are the Party's organizational principles?" I just couldn't answer. He said soberly, "The minority is subordinate to the majority, the lower level to the higher level, the part to the whole and the entire membership of the Party to the Central Committee." I was actually wrong in line with the organization principles. The Central Committee of the Party has already ordered clearly that Party members are not allowed to practice Falun Gong, but I failed to obey it. At last, that cadre said the following important words, "It's not that the Party wants to abandon you. Rather, it's you who have fallen away from the Party." I feel very painful whenever I think of these words. As a cadre of the Party, I have gone so far as to put on a rival show against my own organization under the delusion of a cheat. I feel so ashamed when I examine my conscience. In the past, I mistook Li Hongzhi's so-called "be kind" and "be a good person" as not contradictory with the demands by our Party, without knowing that they are different in nature though similar in appearance. A communist is materialist and antitheist, while Li Hongzhi deludes people with demonology; our Party's aim is serving the people wholeheartedly and devoting selflessly, while Li Hongzhi attempts to lead people to an individualistic trap of seeking "self-transcendence"; the highest ideal and ultimate goal of the Party is to realize communism, while Li Hongzhi tells people to pursue so-called personal "consummation" without thinking about the Party's disciplines and the State's laws. The bitter lesson tells me that I wouldn't have got lost if I listened to the Party and that I will walk on a bright way if I follow the Party.

I didn't cherish what I had when I was a Party member; now I have understood the weight of a "communist" when I have left this advanced group. That's what I should pursue! I will present a Party membership application again and give her a qualified reply no matter if the Party admits me or not.

I want to give my thanks to the Party, the Government and all the people who have supported and helped me for my transformation. It is the integration of strictness and love and call for justice and affections that have dragged me back on the correct way. I have seen clearly the real face of Li Hongzhi and his Falun Gong and have understood the Party and the Government comprehensively and profoundly through comparison of kindness with badness and righteousness with wickedness. My fate reflects the Party's wise policies. Now with the kind attention of the Provincial Party leaders, I've resumed my job as well as the same position before. Leaders at various levels encouraged me warmly and placed great expectations of me… I feel both regretful and grateful facing all of these and realized deeply that the Party has forgiven her daughter who has made mistakes. I rushed again into my motherland's embrace as a child. The living reality has aroused my true love for the Party and the country!

I've understood that the true meaning of life is to be useful for the society after I have passed through a devious route. I'm keen to repay the society and feel extremely upset about the people who are still obsessed in Falun Gong. Therefore, I joined Jilin Voluntary Help and Education Group and went to 24 districts and cities in Jilin and even in Anhui and Shandong to give more than 30 lectures and talk with countless people heart to heart using my own experience. My hard work has gained great consolations. An obsessed Falun Gong practitioner who used to look me as a "demon" burst into tears over my shoulder after she came to know the truth. Later, she said jokingly, "I have never thought of crying over a demon's shoulder."

Li Hongzhi has done great harm to people.We hate him not only for swindling money and wealth but also misleading spirits. Now I have fully realized the actual harm of the cult organization Falun Gong and have understood that the consequences will be worse than anything imaginable if Falun Gong were not banned and were allowed to expand without control. Now I have completely broken away from the cult Falun Gong and I want to use my own bitter experience to caution kind people not to be deceived by any cheat under the guise of doing good.

I hope those people who are still obsessed in practicing Falun Gong can reflect on my experience. I'm sure you can tell kindness from badness, righteousness from wickedness and beauty from ugliness if you dare accept the facts and face them. I firmly believe that more and more people will come to realize the truth, and our society will become more and more beautiful. May everybody contribute to the nice world!
 
(CCTV, February 27, 2001)

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